Void

I look at myself and I see a void, whether it was inside or outside, it wasn’t very clear.There were'nt any boundaries. Actually, it wasn’t even clear if there existed ‘something-called-a-void’. But whatever it was, it must have been that…the darn v*** thing. Atleast, I could begin by defining a ‘void’ as whatever that was. This definition was circular, and sure, I made no progress. I turned myself inside out, and yet again, saw nothing different. I crave to use this apparently empty ‘space’ and do things with it, you know, like things people are tempted do with anything blank -build, distort, explain, taint,create, observe, name, use etc in an attempt to leave their mark on it …anything but let it remain.
I had to sketch out a plan, atleast to convince myself that I am in the process of doing something; somehow, it was very important to do this. I found it supremely hilarious. I knew I was doing it all just to deceive myself. But I seem to be born with some skills, however vain, however mediocre and however insignificant, they were there and I had to do something with them. I could choose to finish off this ridiculous game, simply because I find it too ridiculous, but for unfound reasons, I refrain from doing so. I might as well stay around and have some fun.
So I begin. I begin with wild imagination, and I believe it is free. I believe I am free. I believe I can insult razors (for, the well-shaven Mr. Occam made no sense to me). This said, where do I look for foundations on which to build? I don’t see any level ground, why, I don’t see any ground! This perplexed me to no end. I could easily spend (many) a lifetime in this desperate search for a starting point(Mr.O's ghost laughed its head off at me). Then I may, if I don’t feel ashamed about my void, even as I watch others escaping gravity atop their skyscrapers, dissolve into the same void that I started with. But ashamed I was( at this point Mr. O's ghost glanced condescendingly).
I lay foundation on void, it was randomly generated by my mind and I patched it up here and there with borrowed cement.Well, it didn't matter what the foundation was made of, as long as what it stands on remains strong. On this foundation,I build. Some bricks interlock like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle and form a coherent structure…and I rejoice (for the feeling is very similar to that of genuine accomplishment). This feeling brings with it encouragement, and hence ambition. But the sight of the loose ends and gaping holes brought fear (for, maybe its been wrong from the very start) and piercing pain (for it might all crumble back into the void).
But I soon stop breaking my neck watching skyscrapers. I could plunge back into that god-foresaken void.But strangely, that very thing that brought despair, seemed now, to bring bliss. It even seemed like the only level ground I could stand on. I come out of old habits and blow away the inclination to do something with all things blank. I could sit around in this void and watch passively. I giggle again at the supreme hilariousness of it all! ( Mr.O cries bitterly and later decides to ignore me, as I am after all, a worthless void and then hurriedly gets back to shaving)